| why am i so afraid of writing again? |
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| have i ever told you about her?
no, she is not who you think she is.
in fact, she does not exist.
she just is.
and that is all.
let me tell you about her.
she is perfect
in the ways
i am not.
she is always there
to let me know
even without saying so
even without knowing so
that i am not
as good as her.
isn't that funny?
it's kind of like
an endless cycle
for her and me;
this girl and i.
an endless game
of cat and mouse
of good and bad
of right and wrong.
well for now
at least for this moment
i know i am not like her
nothing like her at all.
but that's okay.
i am content.
i am loved.
and i in return
genuinely,
wholeheartedly,
from the darkest pit of my soul
love.
my flaws?
who cares.
i am bitter.
i am jealous.
i am emotional.
i am a coward.
so what?
i am perfect
in who i am.
no i am not perfect
as a student
as a daughter
as a performer
as a friend.
but i am perfect
as me.
and i love that.
i'm falling in love all over again. |
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| this afternoon i wanted to go outside and check the mail. but as i walk towards the front door, i saw that there were only sneakers placed on the shoe stand. at the moment i was not wearing any socks and did not feel the need to run upstairs, slip on a pair of socks, tie on a pair of shoes, go check the mail, untie my shoes, and debate whether or not to wear my socks for the rest of the day. so instead i decided to walk around through the backyard, where there are always plenty of sandals.
but that's not the point of my story.
so i walked outside and found my dog excited out of her mind to see me. but because i was wearing shorts, i tried my best to avoid her, as her nails usually manage to claw into my legs. they usually hurt. i then continued to ignore her as i walked across the yard because for one, she is very dirty and her hair is tangled and greasy. for two, she is just too wild for my taste. if i bent my knees to go down to her level and pet her, she would go crazy with excitement, and i didn't want to deal with that.
i closed the gate carefully, making sure she didn't get out, went out to grab the mail, and re-walked through the backyard to get back inside.
as i stood inside the house washing my hands, i started to think about my dog. we've had her for many years, ever since she was born in our garage. and i couldn't help but wonder if i would be sad if she died. then i realized, even though our family had owned many dogs over the years, we never kept a dog until its death. we always managed to sell them to another owner while they were still in good condition.
i then started thinking about my dog's life. staying behind as each one of her siblings, even both her parents, were taken away. living alone in the backyard with no one to play with. having interaction only when we step outside to feed her food or to clean her cage.
that made me very sad.
and yet as i looked out the window to see my dog running around the field, happily playing all by herself, i couldn't help but not feel so sorry for her. despite her misfortunes, she has never at any point in my life seemed depressed. my dog has always held the same amount of joy every time we stepped outside to see her. she has always been content.
that was my story. now here is my point.
i realized that life is a lot more joyous when people take the time to stop relying on the little stressful details and enjoying the simplicity of life.
life is more joyous when i think about the good things.
when i realize that i am worth loving.
when i laugh at my own mistakes.
when i decide not to over think bad memories, but work on creating new ones.
when i smile thinking about my life as it is.
i'm in love. (:
and it took a random story for me to realize that.
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| do you know why i am perfect? it is not because i am better than you better than him better than her. it is not because of all the things i am capable of or because of the potential i happen to carry. it is simply because i am the best. there is no comparison. how could i compare if there is no one else like me in the entire world? if there is no one else like me doesn't that make me the best at myself? i alone stand in this competition of perfection. therefore, i am perfect. love. |
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| I was typing something in here earlier but then I figured I shouldn't. I erased it. So there. I guess that's just something I have a little control over. (: I want to write a song. |
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